charlotteann

the snow, piled high so i can't open my backdoor and smoke on the porch.





you can get a better idea of the height by checking out the piles on the railing. yeesh.

yay snow! mac is crazy. open for half a day! absolute nonesense! there's a winter storm warning AND a windchill warning. everywhere else is closed, some lectures have been canceled independantly (as in profs can't make it in)... i don't really care, cause i only have the one class anyway... it just seems silly.

in other news... happy valentines day my lovelies! whether you are single or in some manifestation of a relationship, i send you my love. :)

in more different other news... i can't wait for montreal. i'll be heading up saturday morning, having a day to hang out with john by myself before le boy follows me up there. monday will be the bnl concert, i think wednesday is swimming, running at some point too, and of course looking for an apartment! so if anyone else will be in montreal from the 17th to the 23rd, let me know. we'll go out for poutine or smoked meat or a bagel or something. :)

this all or nothing kind of mentality drives me nuts. so many people seem to give up on things entirely if it doesn't fit their world view, or suit them in the manner they were expecting. it seems like a waste... and i realise that it's only their loss... but i guess i don't like seeing other people waste something that could be of value to them. i mean, instead of looking at something and saying 'well, this won't work for this particular purpose, so it can't be of any value to me' why not use it in another way?
for example, people who think that social networking sites (like facebook and myspace and i suppose livejournal) are being used as replacements for keeping in touch with people... well, i guess maybe some people use it that way, but i find it's an opportunity... the people i would normally keep in touch with via phone, email and actually seeing in person, i still keep in touch with them in those ways and i don't really talk to them online so much. but the people i would normally have never kept in touch with (like old friends from camp, people i have taken one class with, etc), i can keep in touch with! that's not to say i'm going to be close with them and i don't have that pretense. but there's a relationship there that would otherwise have disappeared.
not everyone has to be my best friend. not everyone has to love me. i, in fact, really enjoy running into people i haven't seen in a long time and who i haven't kept in touch with cause it reminds me of good times i had in the past... and i don't regret losing touch with people. because everyone has a different place in my life. and i like it that way.
but it really pisses me off when people think that makes me "disloyal" (by the way, "unloyal", not a word). people change. EVERYONE changes. and i just can't understand having such high expectations of someone you only have memories in common with... not to say you can't get along with them or hang out with them or still have a good time with them... of course you can. i just don't get the expectations thing. especially when it only works one way...
anyway. that's just a little rant about how other people's discontentedness makes me sad about the world. other than that, i am doing very well. school didn't go incredibly well, but it wasn't horrible. i'm still waiting on a couple marks, plus one of my marks will be changing once i hand in a deferred essay. hopefully my marks for next semester will be better.
oh and i got my package from the rcmp. they want me to be an officer. actually, they want me to go through the interview process to decide if they want me to be an officer. still. not bad. i'm gonna fill it all out, but i'm also going to hold off on any decisions until i hear about normandy this summer. if that doesn't happen, i'll likely go to montreal, not regina (rcmp training camp), but we'll see.

something someone else posted made me think about this... it's not exactly related to that post, as i think that post was about several different situations. but i think that post was about general conclusions and while this post comes to some similar conclusions, they are gathered from different situations (i think).

it astounds me that people seem more willing to forgive someone who has hurt them many times in the past and will continue to do so, than someone who has not hurt them before, who in fact has been exceptionally close with them, and not only apologised, but is also working towards getting help for an illness that has led to the other person being hurt.
i don't get it. i realise it's a betrayal thing and an expectation thing... obviously you aren't going to be hurt if someone you don't really know has forgotten your birthday, but if your own mother forgets it seems worse. but i just don't quite get those values. i don't understand how they work.
if you can forgive someone who cheats on you and go back to them, how can you not forgive a close friend who screwed up? if you forgive someone who hasn't even tried to help you, how can you not forgive someone who has gone through hell trying to be supportive? if you aren't forgiven and it hurts, how can you not forgive someone else when they're in your place?
i guess it hurts more when the person who hurt you was totally not the person you'd expect to hurt you... but shouldn't that mean that that person has clearly made a mistake and done something out of character? people aren't perfect, they screw up. yeah it hurts, but if you aren't perfect, how can you expect others to be?
i do think it's different if it's evident that the person hasn't just made a mistake, but that this is their usual pattern of behaviour and they aren't willing to change. but that is only evident when they are unwilling to admit their mistakes and/or blatantly refuse to change... in which case i find it much easier to say good riddance.
but when it seems way out of character... i need an explanation of sorts. and when there is a lack of communication, my mind just explodes... cause i'm not going to condemn someone without knowing the facts, even if i have been told a million times to forget them... but i'm not going to just forgive and forget unconditionally either.
it's always difficult when communication is cut off, but i do understand some need for time and space to heal wounds. a communication pause seems acceptable. but it's hard to know when something is a pause and when it isn't when no one tells you.
i've resigned myself to various situations and i'm not looking for a change... i know i've done what i can in terms of all of these situations and if others also feel that way, it seems we have a stalemate and that's just how things go.
i've just been thinking about it... and i don't get it. why do we act this way?

note: this isn't an attack on anyone. i include myself in these actions, so if anyone does feel like this is an attack, well it's an attack on myself too, so i'm right there with ya. it's a general: why are we all so dumb?

also, just so you know, it IS a rhetorical question, but if you feel you MUST respond, notice i haven't disabled comments (although i am screening them, in case you have something you'd like to say, but not air it for all of the internet to see). i don't know if i'll reply right away cause this is kinda a touchy subject on all fronts. but i don't want to close off communication, and communication is more than just expressing opinions, it's about discussion. it might be difficult, but as a good friend of mine has often reminded me: life's hard. get a helmet.

i'm grumpy. trying not to spread my grumpiness to others, but it seems my mouth runneth over. i need to be less judgmental. it's really none of my business if other people wanna be mean. it's better to avoid/ignore it than add fuel to the fire. but i can't seem to help myself. i'm even getting annoyed by people who aren't even being mean to me, but who are just saying nasty things. i dunno. i guess i just can't handle negativity when i'm depressed.

finishing up my cabinet of drawers at work made me feel better though. i can't wait for the other two to come in so i can put them together. this is totally the perfect job for me when i get like this. it makes me think of the paintings i used to do back in the day when i couldn't do anything else.

in other news, it's nice to look at my degree audit and have it tell me i have satisfied all the recquirements. it took way too much effort to get that whole situation cleared up and i really don't want to go back to the humanities office to discuss this whole deferal thing (makes me feel more depressed, when i think it should make me feel relieved) but unfortunately i have to. hopefully once it's all sorted out i'll feel better about it.

cameron, if you happen to see this before class, could you let sevigny know i'm at an appointment at the humanities department, hence the missing of class? i'd really appreciate. if you don't see this til after, oh well. i'll email him later to apologise or something.

i would really like to just head home, curl up on the couch, watch MASH and eat cookie dough. damn life getting in the way of a good funk of a depression.

oh, and while i'm posting, i'd like to recommend a couple books: a spot of bother by mark haddon (i think that's his name, same guy who wrote the curious incident of the dog in the nighttime. i liked a spot of bother better, but they're both good) and also teacher man by frank mccourt. i think this is my favorite frank mccourt book so far. tis and angelas ashes were both really good too though. if anyone has any books they'd like to recommend for christmas reading, i'd love to hear from you. :)

well that's just creepy. and i don't think it's exactly true... but how nice of them to say so!

that's a really neat site. thanks to cameron for posting his results so i could go and check it out. coolio!

blah man, blah. i still have two essays, plus the one i'm getting deferred (i didn't know you could defer essays!!! this is pure gold. or it could be trouble, you never know).
one of said essays is due tomorrow, or tuesday at the latest. then i've got an exam wednesday and two on thursday. coming back to toronto to work chez maman for a couple days, going to a little xmas party my brother's having (woo!). the following week i have yet ANOTHER doctor's appointment and the other essay is due and then two more exams. and i have no idea what my work schedule will be like.
i also have to go to the doctor cause i think i scratched my cornea or something. it hurts and there's definitely nothing stuck in my eye. i've flushed it with water several times and nothing came out overnight. i hope i don't go blind. that would suck.

anyway, mum's putting bacon and eggs on the table, so i'm gonna go eat. hope you're all well.

well, it's been awhile. mostly cause i've been posting over on my wordpress blog (http://charlotteann.wordpress.com).
anyway, i just wanted to post about the dixie chicks. when i was in boston, tara was telling me about the whole deal with them over the last few years when their latest video came on VH1 (cause we were watching VH1 in the hotel room being band nerds). since then i've heard that song (not ready to make nice) a lot and i like it more and more. last night i went and saw the dixie chicks movie and i adored it. i wasn't going to buy their cd cause i had this idea that because they're "country" and wouldn't like it, but they really have this whole new sound that makes me think tom petty and sometimes blue rodeo and sometimes barenaked ladies (specifically lullaby and kevin hearn's peterborough and the kawarthas) and sometimes s-club 7 (specifically i like it) and sometimes widespread panic and sometimes joss stone (the dixie chicks should totally play bonnaroo) and it's just phenomenal. i love this album.
and i just thought i'd share.
so if you're into the kinda bluegrass/folk/rock genre, GET this cd. not only is the music incredible, it's a really touching and emotional album and it makes me melt.
also, see the movie. it's quite good.
hope everyone's doing well. :)

ps. got the new ron sexsmith album and it is also quite good. i don't think i've ever listened to ron sexsmith of my own volition. wierd. i like it. i also got the new pink album and an REM greatest hits cd (i lost all my REM when my mp3 player died).

Wow. So. It feels like it's been years since my last post. But it's been less than a month.
I've been really busy with school and work and crap. I was blonde for about 3 weeks. I just dyed my hair red this evening though, so that's the end of that. The 5K went well, I ran it in 33:03 which is pretty good considering I only trained for 3 weeks and I fell down some stairs a few days earlier. I'm gonna keep up with the running, but I think less intensely than while I was training for this race. Probably only once a week plus a few days at the gym.
For some reason it doesn't stop with the boys. Maybe cause I lost a bunch of weight or maybe cause I'm sort of trying to take more care of my appearance, I dunno. I like it but I'm wierded out cause normally when it comes to guy stuff I'm always freaking out and overthinking it. I'm NOT overthinking any of this stuff, I'm just kind of letting it happen. Maybe that's why things are working out. Or maybe it's cause I don't really have enough time to sit and think or to get too attached and I'm too busy thinking about my real life to worry about boys. I'm a bit worried that one of them is getting very attached to me, mostly because I'm not planning on staying in Hamilton and he is. That and I'm not nuts about him. That sort of sounds wrong, because he's wonderful and sweet and he makes me laugh and he's cute... I'm just not ga-ga, you know? Anyway. I'm sure he'll get over me when I leave.
My birthday was good. Nothing spectacular. The day before Jeff showed up with a cute card and we hung out for a few hours and the day of my parents and Joe came out to take me to dinner (Red Lobster!). My dad got me a Nacho Libre talking pen. It's hilarious. I hadn't seen the movie so I had to download and watch it. It's alright. The pen's better. I also got some cute running gear from John/Puma. He's sponsered by them so he gets this stuff for free. It's pretty sweet. Incentive to keep running. And my friend Dan said that when things are less busy, the two of us can go run together. I've never had a running buddy before. :)
Anyway. I had a couple midterms and assignments due last week, this week is shaping up to be the same. SO busy, SO tired, but things are good.
Tonight, going out with Sarah, Danielle and Summer to some place in Burlington for birthday drinks (it was Danielle's birthday on Thursday - go libra!) and then tomorrow more homework and laundry. Woo!
I will leave you with my latest desktop pic, sent to me by Cameron because I'm miss Library (I work IN the library, but I'm not actually a librarian or do anything really related to books).
( blinded by the light )
Also, hi to my new friend (well, old friend, but new lj-friend) Geoff! Hiya!

i was hoping for bettie paige. oh well.

i know that i have friends who can get a better score at this... i want to see that happen. go to it people.


How White and Nerdy Are You?

a couple quick updates for what's happening in october:
-the 15th i will be running a 5K in toronto. i'm pretty psyched about it.
-the following weekend, i'm planning a trip down to NYC (if i can afford it) to visit my new friend adam (we met in boston).

tomorrow night i'm heading down to the gladstone to have a drink or two with chris. i think it'll be fun. i hope it'll be fun. especially after the long day that tomorrow is turning out to be.

happy roshashana to all you jewish folk out there. hope you have a great one!

so... a lot happening recently.
last weekend i went to podcamp in boston with uncle seth. it was hosted by chris brogan (such a sweetheart) and brian person (oswego!) among others (who i may or may not have met). i met a lot of really cool people there. leesa barnes who drove down with jay and tara and me. she basically gets paid to help people do podcasts. so cool. AND she knows the theme song to the littlest hobo. both verses. cc chapman who does the accident hash podcast (music stuff, it's wicked - http://www.accidenthash.com/ and http://www.cc-chapman.com/) and adam broitman (http://amediacirc.us - his blog's about all things media) and eric skiff (wicked interviews with a puppet, go check out the uncle seth one here: http://www.feltuptv.com/2006/09/12/felt-up-tv-interviews-uncle-seth/). steve garfield had this (http://stevegarfield.blogs.com/videoblog/2006/09/uncle_seth_at_p.html) video up before the guys were even finished their set. julien (from http://www.inoveryourhead.net/ - an underground hiphop podcast) and bob (from http://www.bobandaj.info/ and http://www.canadianpodcastbuffet.ca/) and mark (from http://www.electricsky.net/) are all from montreal and they were awesome! and there was a whole bunch of other fabulous people there. check out flickr (search podcamp) if you want to see pictures and check out the links if you want to hear about the craziness that was podcamp.
anyway, that was awesome and i'm trying to keep in touch with everyone cause they're all wicked. hopefully i will have my new mp3 player next week and then i can listen to all of these podcasts on my way to and from school. not that you need an ipod to listen to podcasts, ;)
then we have school starting up again. i had to drop a course from second semestre and pick one up in first, so i'm taking 6 courses and working 2 jobs (cedar falafel and general service technician stuff at the libraries on campus). so i'm pretty fuckin busy. (i've also started swearing a hell of a lot more recently)
then, last weekend, my grandmother had a stroke. she's ok, we thought things were a lot worse than they are, but she has apparently had a stroke before (that no one knew about) and chances are she will have another one. so my dad's dealing with all of this and his siblings and my mum's trying to be supportive (as are my brothers and I). i'm actually home today (and yesterday) cause it was my dad's bday on the 16th and i'll probably be back next weekend for jay's birthday.
now, excuse me while i have a bit of a girly moment here. i've been working out 3 times a week and been trying to eat right (i was on the south beach diet, i guess i still kinda am) for the last few months and it's really starting to show. and i'm really happy about that, i feel really good about myself and i feel healthy and it's all great. i still have some work to do, but i'm getting there. i also recently get my hair cut again (i was starting to get a bit of a mullet) and i bought some new makeup and i'm sort of trying to clean up my "look" in general. now one of the effects of all this has been a lot more guys have been expressing an interest in me recently. and it's been pretty great, but it's starting to get a tad bit confusing and i'm worried i'm gonna start messing things up. the plan was i was gonna kinda focus on me for the next little while, but there are some really great guys out there. >.< i know, poor lil' me, fighting off the boys. i just want to make sure i do what's right.
anyway, i've gotta go have dinner with the fam now (birthday dinner = italian food, wine and cake!) and then maybe translate some james joyce into french if i have time before i go to visit my gram in the hospital with my dad. then i'm back off to hamilton.
i hope everyone's good! have a good september. be safe.

not only am i posting, i'm posting a video!
well, the video itself isn't all that fabulous, but the song is fun and catchy and it's uncle seth so love it.



oh i love that my friends are nerds. :)

PODCAMP THIS WEEKEND!!! woo boston.

hey hamiltonians!
anyone wanna come see bon cop bad cop with me tomorrow? i'm not sure what time i'm going, but i'll be going to jackson square. i'm looking at erik and tim on this one. my wonderful movie buddies.
i feel like i'm the only person in the world who wants to see this, but i think it'll be hilarious.
reply here, or email me or something, k?
love,
char
:)

Hello everyone. I hope all of your lives are going well and you are all enjoying the summer.
I'm in the mood to update (yes, MY LJ, UPDATED, *gasp*), so here we go.
I've been working on and off at various different jobs throughout the summer. I'm finally only working one (Cedar's), although I'm helping out at my mum's office a few days in the next few weeks.
I've been in Hamilton for the most part, however I was in Toronto for a couple weeks in May (they were awful) and for about a week mid-July (quite nice, had coffee with the people who returned my phone calls - or who were allowed to ;) - and was kept busy daily with those outings). This is kinda why I'm posting, but I'll get to that later.
Anyway, the summer started off kinda crappy, but things are pretty good now and I'm working on a website for Uncle Seth (even though Jeff and I broke up, Tara and I are still very close and Jay respects and values my opinion when it comes to web stuff for the band). If you want to check it out, that would be awesome (as the more visitors we get, the more pictures we can upload, although at the moment, storage isn't really an issue). www.uncleseth.piczo.com
I'm looking forward to starting school again in September and working at Mills with Sarah (I'm such a nerd... I've always wanted to work at a University library). I'm only taking one linguistics course (Syntax), the rest are all going to be French courses. Language Practice, Translation, Linguistics, 17th Century Literature, Medieval Language and Civilization and another African & Caribean Lit Seminar (same prof, different books) - all in French!
I'm really looking forward to immersing myself in the language this year, but I'm looking forward even more to what will follow my graduation.
And this is the reason for my post. This will be my last summer in Ontario for quite some time. I'm moving to Montreal in May next year. I'm going to work there for a year and become a resident, then pay considerably less in tuition for a joint programme between McGill and l'Universite de Montreal for teacher's college (specifically teaching french as a second language). It'll be another 4 years, but I might be able to fast track a bit and do it in 3 (maybe with summer courses and advanced standing cause I'll have one degree under my belt already - with considerable overlap in some of the course material I might add: the first year of this program is pretty much all linguistics and literature courses). But even if it takes 4, I'm looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to Montreal and French and living on my own (although I guess I already do that).
I've been thinking about travel and when I might do that. Depending on how work goes and school schedules are and such, I might travel in the summers. I've been considering going to Seattle for a week or two (I have a friend down there who I'd like to spend more time with, but who knows) and I want to see more of Canada (BC and Alberta, then maybe Newfoundland and PEI). So I think that would be my starting point for travel. And if all goes well, I may just make it to Europe. But that's a long way off yet. For now I'm trying to get all this Montreal business sorted out.
So yeah. Basically I'm gonna be in Hamilton for the rest of the year, except for Christmas, which I assume will happen in Toronto, and reading week I'll probably head up to Montreal and sort out living and work arrangements for May and such. But it looks like I'm pretty much done with Toronto... at least for the next 5 years or so. I loved it, I miss what it was to me, I hate that it's not really home anymore, but I'm happy to move out and explore new places and I'm really glad I'm getting out.
So that's it. That's my big update. Maybe I'll update again after Christmas or when I have more details about Montreal. Until then, enjoy your lives my friends.

bonnaroo was really good for the most part. some tense/awkward moments, but i generally had a good time.
this is stolen from em!
( one of the most original quizzes i've seen on the internet thus far )

okay, so as i've had this new journal for a while now, i figure i should probably explain that i don't actually plan on posting. i merely have this to keep an eye on certain communities and friends and to occasionally comment.
i hope everyone's doing well.
love,
char